-I left my vibrators out on my bed for the Asian family to see
-I sat on a HOT curling iron and received a 2nd degree burn and haven't been able to sit for 10 days-Dropped my cell in the toilet and lost over 300 phone numbers...the next of my "Lucy" hair-brained schemes is a doozy! Going through divorce, working in a very stressful job, raising 2 sons, having not received a support check in over a year, trying to sell and save my house from foreclosure because of course the mortgage is in my name, mourning the recent loss of my dad and on top of that, dating...suffice it to say my head is up my ass half the time.
So, I'm in my office, I have 7 screens open on my computer. I see someone IMing me on AOL. I glance and see the letter "M" and automatically assume [yes, it does make and ass out of you and me]it's Marsha [who just took me to dinner on Father's Day] and proceed to read what I think is her email and respond accordingly:
M: how are you today
M is offline and may receive your IMs when signing back in.
me: i'm ok a lil melancholy, thanks for dinner -
"j" has not contacted me other than sending me a bullshit email - see, i'm so glad i didn't sleep with him and "m", who i'm really not interested in but would have fucked, was online last night and didn't im me like he always does so he's not interested and i noticed he was back on match after not being on in 5 days so now of course i'll pine for him
under stress at work
tonight i spin and have therapy
freaking but i'll be ok
and you?
i don't understand why he emailed me his number or repsonded at all if he's not interested in starying in touch...weird but i'm not dating BENSONHURST been there done that back in the day! lol
AND THEN I REALIZED IT'S NOT MARSHA I'M INSTANT MESSAGING, IT'S Mr. M!!!
I see him log online and try to make light of the subject but to no avail...
me: so, you wanna fuck! lol
M: very nice
me: mr. m, you gotta laugh life is too short
M: bensonhurst is old news for you. stick with your LI friends. I run circles around them. i'm not laughing. i guess being nice paid off again. loose my #
me: it's not like that so please don't turn it into that i had a great time with you
i was a little surprised and insulted that you didn't even respond to my email so what was i to think? so i figured YOU were blowing ME off
M: sell that to someone who has asshole printed across their forehead. we don't need to talk anymore. see ya
me: and thought i was responding to my friend Marsha [from beach haven] and to SAVE FACE i wrote what i wrote - YES even women have pride and save face with their friends. its just a misunderstanding...most guys KISS ME GOODNIGHT or give me SOME indication, you said I'LL BE IN TOUCH...i was like, he's blowing ME off?
M is offline and may receive your IMs when signing back in.
I am so beside myself because I'm not a hurtful person and do everything in my power to do the right thing so I can sleep at night and not have bad karma so I decide to email him:
Mr. M,
I am NOT a hurtful person. I never meant to hurt you. If anything I was the one who was hurt!I thought we had a fun night, I had a great time with you and I CANNOT FAKE THAT, the time flew by and I was even upset you had to go.This is just another [and hopefully] the LAST LUCY EPISODE EVER.There's an explanation for everything so pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez just read on...
me: i'm ok a lil meloncholy, thanks for dinner -
my friend Marsha took me to dinner because I was upset it was my 1st Father's Day without my father who died at the end of Feb
and i noticed he was back on match after not being on in 5 days so now of course i'll pine for him. i AM interested [but you never tell that to your friends so if you get rejected you don't look like an ass] but thought you were blowing me off when you were online last night. PLUS you didn't respond to my email - so you didn't im me OR respond to my email, you told me "we'll be in touch" you gave me NO SIGNAL of interest so what was I supposed to think and that was why I wrote the following. Oh, and I was def attracted to you [how insulting]
me: i don't understand why he emailed me his number or repsonded at all if he's not interested in starying in touch
See, I was even surprised that you emailed me your number thinking you WERE NOT interested.
me: weird but i'm not dating BENSONHURST been there done that back in the day ! lol See, I was even saying And that's the defense that's supposed to make me look like I have the upper hand to my friends The IRONY of it all is that you DID im me today!!!! I was upset that you didn't contact me at all over the weekend.
You mean to tell me you cannot see humor in any of this??? because the thing that I like most about you is you are funny and witty.At most this is a HUGE, GINORMOUS misunderstanding...at the very least it is me putting up the wall trying to protect myself.The only thing you seem to be pissed about it the Brooklyn reference and I told you from the beginning that I ONLY date Brooklyn guys! But if you read carefully the ENTIRE IM is directed at my being upset at YOU BLOWING ME OFF...surely you can look back, read it again and put yourself in my shoes and try for one second to see what I was feeling and where I was coming from and then maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive me...and even laugh...please?
HE READ IT BUT NO RESPONSE
so the next day I send him this...
Mr. M,
Tell me you've NEVER fucked up in your life? Are you so perfect that you never make a mistake or that you could be so unforgiving, uncompromising, inflexible? Because if that's the case then I'm really glad I found out sooner than later because I need someone to possess those qualities in a relationship.
If I hurt you I'm sorry but I certainly felt you did that to me for since you had me thinking you were blowing me off. The only difference is I've apologized to you for that! Read the email, it's all about how I think you're blowing me off.
I put soooo much pressure on myself for our date because I remember you from way back I had a huge crush on you then and thought you would crush me like a bug now so I already prepared myself and put up the wall...please keep in mind that unlike you I haven't dated in 20 years and when I go out even though I know what I bring to the table, I still get very insecure and set myself up for the ultimate rejection.
I have dated a lot recently and unlike all the guys I date I found you to be very sharp, very witty, very funny, pretty creative besides the fact that there's a definite attraction. You're definitely a man of substance. Tell me there was no connection and it was all in my head. Do you have that much pride that you would actually let it get in the way of something possibly developing here? I'm not one to grovel so if you're done, you're done but I hope when the dust settles you'll see the irony and humor in all of this, have a change of heart and give it another shot. Afterall, it's a great story to tell the grandkids.
If you're still reading this then the possiblilty of makeup sex exists. lol
I miss hearing from you...Please call me and tell me what's on your mind.
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