Single In The Suburbs

Seven Minutes In Heaven, or 8?

What can you accomplish in 8 minutes? In this fast paced day and age of electronics and immediate gratification, be it fast forwarding through commercials on Tivo-taped shows, flipping channels with remote control in hand, the dating world has also caught on to this trend.

With hectic work schedules, multi-tasking, children’s extra-curricular activities, sports and carpooling, how can singles and divorcees have time to meet potential mates? The dating world has evolved from the usual bar and club scene to paid, online dating services such as Match.com, eHarmony.com and jDate.com which provide singles and divorcees an opportunity to peruse through various photos and profiles online to find the perfect mate. The only problem being, how recent are the photos and how realistic are the profiles?

Enter the world of 8MinuteDating.com. This fee paid speed-dating service provides 8 dates for 8 minutes each; an ideal opportunity for the busy professional who is not into, nor has time for the bar or club scene, to meet potential friends, mates or even business contacts. It differs from online dating because you get actual “face-time” so you can see and speak to directly to the person and get a true sense as to whether or not there is compatibility and chemistry, therefore bypassing the online dating steps of emailing, instant messaging and eventually “Starbuck-ing.”

One Wednesday, a Wine Cafe on Main Street in Huntington Village played host to an 8 Minute Dating event in which myself and some friends had the privilege of attending. The Owner served up her reserve of Long Island wines and beers and a spread of assorted cheese & fruit platters, breads and dips. While daters ate, drank and mingled they admired her gallery of art supplied by Long Island artists.

Eight single professional men (ages 38-53) and women (34-49) drank, ate and schmoozed awaiting the dating portion of the evening. Risa, the Long Island Event Coordinator for 8MinuteDating.com, assigned each woman a number, a nametag, a table and dating track card in which to record each date noting their interest level be it friendship, 2nd date or business relationship. She also provided a list of “ice-breaker questions” such as “do you have any tattoos? Do you have any pets?” My personal favorite “do you have a dollar’s worth of change in your pocket?” to which my date replied, “no” so I asked “then you’re just happy to see me?” Now that was definitely an icebreaker and got lots of laughs!

An announcement was made at the end of every 8 minutes and the men, in rotation, moved onto the next table. After the 4th date, there was a 20 minute intermission in which the proprietor served up sandwiches consisting of Nutella, salmon and cheese and mini cheeseburgers, in addition to her famous Long Island wines and beers. Then it was onto round two for 4 more dates. At the end of the second half there was opportunity to stay at Asta and mingle.

If there’s interest in meeting someone again when the event is over, you log onto the website www.8MinuteDating.com and enter the person’s name and number. If they have entered your name and number as well, there’s a match, contact information is provided so you can arrange to meet with them again.

The concept of 8MinuteDating.com is a good one. Eight minutes is ample time to see if you will connect with someone, particularly since I’ve had Starbuck encounters which could have ended by the time I reached the counter to order my latte! One date can be emotionally exhausting can you imagine how overwhelming it is to have eight in one evening?

This particular event would have been more successful if time was taken during the online registration process to ensure compatibility. For instance, I’d like to know if their potential dates are single, separated, divorced, if they have children or would like to have children, if they’re smokers, non-smokers, what their lifestyles are, what their interests are, ethnic, cultural & educational backgrounds as well as income bracket. The men seemed random, from all ethnicities, varying socio-economic backgrounds, some wanting kids (and my baby-making days are over!) and some were way over the age limit. However there were definitely some quality women there.

Bottom line, whether it be multi-tasking or multi-dating when combined with friends, drinks and good food, 8MinuteDating.com makes for a fun, memorable evening, one in which I’ll get a lot of mileage from discussing the experience. Would I consider trying it again? Doubtful, but you never know.

From Online to Offline Dating

How can a working, single mother of two, who once required 8 hours of sleep, now survive on 3 hours? Online dating! Adrenaline pumps through my system as I view and read through the myriad of photos and profiles in hope that I’ll find that special someone.

I can sum up online dating in one word – addictive. Every spare minute is spent checking to see who viewed you, hot listed you, flirted with you, emailed you, sent you an ecard; it’s a cycle, now rinse and repeat! Online dating has all of the characteristics of going out to a bar or club trolling for men without the intimidation factor and hassles of getting “coiffed” because the service is available 24:7 right in the privacy of your very own home! It also helps build your confidence and get your rap down if you’ve recently re-entered the dating world.

As I perused through what seemed like hundreds of profiles between the ages of 40 - 52, I found some men claim they’re 48 but in actuality they’re 54! They do this so they will appear in the search ranging from 45-50. I guess they think they look young enough to pull it off.

For the most part, the profiles are idealistic – it’s exactly what you would want to hear, “I’m attractive and physically fit, I’m a professional, I’m the perfect guy to bring home to your mother, and I earn over $1,000,000/year.” And of course everyone’s a romantic, whose idea of the perfect date is a walk on the beach after a candlelit dinner. That being the case I’d imagine Robert Moses and Jones Beach must be jam-packed every Saturday night with star-crossed lovers strolling the sandy shores watching the sunset even in 15 degree weather with snow covered sand.

I’ve also caught on to the lingo. For instance when a man writes, “I’m down to earth” or they would like to meet someone who is “down to earth” it simply means they didn’t fare well financially in their divorce. The same holds true if their idea of a date is a bike ride on the boardwalk or a walk in the park it simply means you shouldn’t have any expectations of being wined and dined at Luger’s, there will be no gifts from Tiffany’s, Chanel or Gucci, no shopping sprees at the Americana because their maintenance (now referred to as alimony) and child support payments have depleted their bank accounts and therefore they simply cannot afford your lifestyle.

I was instant messaged and emailed by many hot 25-27 year olds on a daily basis but I explained to them, “I’m very flattered but I’m nobody’s Mrs. Robinson!” Then there are the guys who just come right out and ask you for your phone number [and never call] like they’re taking up a collection!

How do you know if they’re married or involved and is this just something to feed their ego?
What is online dating etiquette? Do you wait for men to first view you, instant message you, flirt with you, email you or can a woman take the initiative here? If she does, how would you know if the men were ever interested in you in the first place?

What happens when you finally do connect with one of the many potential suitors and get past the email, instant message and phone stages and actually decide to meet? “Starbuck-ing!”- online dating’s answer to speed dating. It’s a fast and a relatively inexpensive way to meet over a latte in a safe, public place to see if you really click and if there might be potential for future dates.

My first experience went something like this: I was hiding behind one of the columns outside of Starbucks and saw my date walking up the street. I had the urge to flee, he would’ve never known since I could’ve made a clean getaway being that my car was parked on Gerard Street. His photo must have been taken years ago, no longer has hair, he was about 60 lbs overweight (yet he works out and spins!) should I go on?

My friends urged me ahead of time to plan a “cell phone getaway,” one in which they would call pretending they’re my child who has just taken ill or is in desperate need of a ride and oops, got to go! I did not have the heart to do this since I do have a conscience and after all it is only coffee. The date turned out to be pleasant but no love connection for me.

My other dates have been much more successful since I now request a series of recent photos and will not reply to anyone who doesn’t have a photo posted. When we plan the date I do very sweetly threaten my “Drive-by Strategy” in which I will arrange to meet them and if they don’t look like their photo I will drive past ever so slowly and if I don’t like what I see I’ll just keep driving by…but I will wave!

I have gotten a great response and as a result canceled my membership last month and received emails from the service indicating: “YOU HAVE EMAIL,” “SOMEONE CLICKED FOR YOU,” “HERE ARE YOUR MATCHES.” Out of curiosity I reinstated my membership for another month so I could access my emails and see who “clicked” for me in hope that there would be more potential special someone(s).

After that month was up, I didn’t renew my membership, again. So 2 weeks have past and do you know what sucks you back into renewing and paying the $35/month? I received an email saying: “YOU HAVE 273 EMAILS IN YOUR MAIL BOX.” So I guess you can say I’m addicted because I’ll be back online, again, for round three!